I could have accepted a new relationship for him after a respectful period of time MUCH better than this relationship. Your email address will not be published. Really? If someone close to you ultimately proves to have low death EQ, try not to be disappointed. that is all fine & after a respectful time (my definition of this would be 6 months or more), than go for the intimate stuff. We dont have to be happy about this situation, and I dont have to have them over for dinner every week, but my Father-in-law can still be in our lives and I can be civil to this woman. How to raise chickens? She is helping us by taking care of him. What will I do? she said. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Margaret "Maggie" Murdaugh and her 22-year-old son Paul were both killed in June 2021. For the price of a large house in the U.S you could get a tiny place over in the U.K You just get more bang for your buck in America. I used to just let her say pretty much whatever she wanted, but Ive gotten to a point where if I dont agree with her, I just let her know it. Im not talking about holidays or family parties, where of course inclusion is important. However, this woman is a fair weather friend and has proved to the world her worthlessness. How could my father do this to me, the memory of my mom!!?? After my mother died seven years ago at 84, my father didnt want to live in their house alone. she is like a dog marking her territory. Im hurt and lost. The hole in my heart was huge. So, me and my wife backed out on the trip. That was their way of caring for her. I started dating her. My mom is having a really hard time. 755 Likes, 6 Comments - Shy Wolf Sanctuary (@shywolf_sanctuary) on Instagram: Raven was in need of rescue after her mom died and dad gave away all animals so that he could move I never expected my Dad to be alone after my Mom passed, but I sure didnt expect him to suddenly turn into Mr. We suffered with them too as well as all the family members. Well the evening ended, said to my husband on the way home I know where my moms ROLEX watch is he says on the new wife wristOMG I wasnt seeing things, I told my middle sister so the next time we saw them she took a look and yup, I was rightShe is still wearing it to this day and that just makes me sick . I encouraged him to go? I lost my dad who had a great relationship with me for 50+ years.. My kids had a great grandpa for 15+ years. For me I didnt like the idea of this woman but was prepared to accept her into my life. Second verse, same as the first. What makes you all think you have the right to tell your parent what they can and cannot do in their own home and how they should live the rest of their life? Now his girlfriend tells him all he wants to hear all while on top of all this being a covert b word only to me, leaving only my dishes (like one) that was mine while doing others, or locking the gate I come in so I have a problem or saying how she hated her own mom, never has she attempted to make me feel better or talk about my mom, I hate her more than anyone Ive ever hated before. Generations will suffer. Our only choice would have been to cut our losses. You do not exist to subsidize your mother's life. My Mum died almost 2 years ago in Sept 2011. We both had spouses that die under the terrible cancer disease. Things that I feel need to stay in the family. After chiding myself for all the things I could have done with my dad, and replaying every negative remark I ever said, I realized guilt is an emotion that is draining and is not conducive to feeling better. So I thought I would reach out to this community. She wears daisy duke shorts and mini skirts and tight dresses. It felt so good to get on this website and read that so many other people are experience the same things that I am. I just wanted to say thanks for posting your experiences because its nice to know that I am not alone. I just hope that you could open your mind to someone new in your life, understand that they are not trying to replace your mother or father. No soon after my mom passed, my mothers 1st cousin started coming around. Mum died at 56 and would be 90 if she had lived.I have lived with this situation for so many years. My Mother died when I was 13 after a long, long illness. Its no one elses business. Comparing notes about your feelings and sadness and living in a way that keeps you mired in pain will fade when you accept that your JOB IS TO BE HAPPY. I make a great effort to make her feel welcomed, to make conversation with her when I call the house, etc., but it frustrates me that he refuses to see that if he would stop pushing us to have a relationship with her, our relationship with her would actually improve. First Id like to say to Curious that I dont think there is a specific length of time that makes it ok to date after a spouse dies. Your children are there but they are not there. We have a very civil relationship with his wife. She will leave him for up to three weeks at a time without a visit. In addition, her other sister lives on the same street, across the driveway, from my dad. My sisters and I will be there to support him and love him through it. I found all of this out the first day of my last semester in college. Why is running her kids than megan! He has tried to give me the other womans phone number and told me to call him there. She was also in the same boat as yours that almost none of her friends had lost a spouse yet so nobody really understood what she was going through. I guess I just have a hard time understanding him. Everything I tried has been met with either silence or continued blame for my attitude and disrespectful behavior.. I know , not as terrible as it is for you, yes, because you lost your mother and now you feel you are losing your dad. My mom was my confidant, my best girl friend, etc. Otherwise, my father spent the entire weekend with them, and my brother and I were stranded at home all alone. She could care less. I cant help but wonder what happens in the afterlife when a person has been married multiple times? Ellen is divorced and has two adult sons from her previous marriage. 3 weeks later he started dating a woman 15 years younger than he from church. I (23F) & my husband (24M) lived with my mom (48F) during Covid. Not every person is going to be the right person to help you navigate your pain. I dont believe after just 4 weeks, that we have even completed the grieving stages and am starting to feel very bitter towards her. She just wanted understanding ears to bend for awhile. She's like me because I never ask for help either. Anytime my sister and I would try to talk about mother to reminisce, she would kick my father under the table, and he would be silent. She was sick for just a short time. The woman who he choose to date knew the family and was not liked by mother. Its not like I want to be angry or that I want my dad to spend the rest of his life in mourning. People that immediately jump into a relationship and force it on their families are wrong in doing so. She didnt want me to do groceries for her anymore. The situation of being out of control brought me to the edge of anorexia. My sister and I took my father to hospital yesterday for eye check ups and tests and we were there about 7 hours not including travelling. My only advice to any of you dealing with a similar situation is to always calmly and truly speak your mind, dont let things go unsaid. It really helps alot. While I did take some of my moms belongings out of the house when my she passed with my Dads permission there are still things in the house that belonged to her and my grandmother. Everyone needs someone, whether it is a best friend, a significant other or a sibling. I lost my mother unexpectedly over six years ago, when I was 17. And its obviously not uncommon, especially for an older widow, to remarry quickly. Im going insane, and waste all day being unproductive as I think about how unfair and how much I hate her. Its like Im an afterthought. John Pete is a spiritual writer, founder of Daily Grief Quotes on Facebook, and was a Certified Grief Counselor for over 10-years . I dont know why this hurts us so much. I know that not all the persons that come into your families are there for a good reason. At the first family trip, I was already stumped at how quickly things were moving. We can plan and think well know how well react, but life just happens to all of us. I am very sensitive to the ACs loss and feelings about the loss of their mother. Loves his convertible and said to my sister that she wanted to take it to go see her daughter Ahh, can you imagine. I told him hes wrong for that. He may back us financially (and again, I dont want to disregard his generosity here), but our relationship is suffering. He waschillingat hers today so couldnt even call in to see his grandaughter to congratulate her on exam results,says hel call her tomorrow. X. It took me a while but, with the help of my family, I got through it. Just more pain, more hurt, more sadnessI only hope I would never cause anyone the pain that this has caused me and my family. Today is a gift of God. Hi, please somebody help me this is unlike anything Ive been able to find on the Internet. Before the argument, we had some discomfort about leaving our daughters with them. She started her career at the Creative Artists Agency in New York City in the celebrity commercial endorsement group. When life changes through the loss of a loved one, it should be the responsibility of everyone to evolve slowly into a new life. Your mother will always be your mother no matter what, and no matter who else comes into your life or your fathers life. Its a destination wedding and he has told her that he wont be able to make it because of work. I have been lucky because he hasnt tried to cram her down my throat, although it feels like that living with him. Thanks dad lol omg. A big man he was 64 and he was like a big teddy bear. She calls telling my dad all about her medical problems (which is breast cancer) after my mother battled bone cancer. She was an active, vibrant 72 year old woman who had lots of plans for the future. No good way to treat it. Has anyone been able to move on from the pain of their parents getting involved with someone else so soon? My mom passed away October 2015. This lola lady died last summer. My father started seeing another woman about 5 or 6 months after my mother passed away and the sad part is the lady has known my family for years and has been our church member for years. I just want to thank everyone for their postings. But for right now I am ok with at least being able to see my father periodically and trying. I know its not easy i honestly dont know how it ever could be cause lets face it we want our mom and dads together but who is anyone else to say when its right? I gulped down fear, as I rushed to find out what was happening. Its at once comforting to find other people who relate, and daunting to imagine that these feelings might not fade with time and age. My father and I have had a much more tumultuous relationship. But I love him , he is a great man, I know he is not perfect but I know not one of us is perfect but we have to be kind. Every person mourns in different ways, intensity and time. If they tell me Ive done something to hurt their feelings, I will talk with them and try to rectify it, I would never dismiss them! This is going to take a long time. He just doesnt mention this womans name to us anymore. Her death came as a major shock to us. They dont live together yet. . I tell him frequently that I love him very much but cannot make any commitment of an acceptance of this friend. What Im also seeing, and what I feel about my own situation, is that, the bottom line is there is a lack of respect, sensitivity and compassion for those whove also lost that person by either both, or the dad or the new woman. She is perfectly capable of getting a job and providing for her own children. Even though the other sister was with my mom every second of every day since my moms diagnosis and passing. She didnt shed one tear at his death bed or funeral and has been out with one of his friends who carried the coffin within weeks of Dads death (only on occasional basis as he has a complicated relationship with someone else whatever) and I have not stopped her. I dont want my dad to be sad or lonely, but his wife of 54 years, the love of his youth is gone. And she isn't incapable of doing things for herself! Since I cant get him on the phone in the evenings, I have to call him at work. WE ARE IN OUR 70S! Less then a year after she passed my dad had started going out lots and leaving me at home for hours. What to do? These adult kids need to mind their own businessget a life, get a job>support their self. Oh and because when i came to visit them on their vacation i was really there to cheat on my husband she claimes. I know inevitably there will be further learnings, low points, and realizations. Your email address will not be published. Would I ever want to come between a father and daughter for the sake of my own needs or excuses that I make this man happy? Ive made it very clear to all my kids that NO ONE will ever replace their mother, NO ONE EVER will do that. WebMy father is dating after my mother died - Find single woman in the US with mutual relations. They visit for birthdays and events. I wish there was a Facebook group like this page, as much as I would love to talk to my friends about such a situation like the one I am in, I feel like none of them can relate. It has made my grandmas home a horrible memory now and I really dont know what to do cuz this just isnt right, thanks any suggestions appreciated. So I am a girlfriend of a Widower. Plus I told my Mom to not trust her and My Mom would say she is ok, she kept coming over , and I can not go over to see my Dad with out her coming over . For much of my mothers life she did not have to work just take care of the family. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. After one year of my mothers passing, while snowbirding in Florida, he met a woman from Belarus who can barely speak Englishwe are worried that she is after his money and citizenship. While my situation is not quite the same as yours, I did feel that the woman my Dad married was pushed on him by his neighbor. My sister doesnt live here and takes my dads side cuz she didnt have to experience this like I did. I lost my Mom to cancer at the end of 2010. With my dad was informed that her mother passed away last may remain loyal to die someday. Sometimes she doesnt see him for 3 weeks at a time. He had actually showed some sort of care for her. He can have a lady friend. I lost my mother almost a year ago (Feb. 2008) and my father started spending time with an old friend from his past, 8 months later. Thank you to everyone for sharing their stories and opinions. She wrote: I will always remember when we went to go see Zero Dark Thirty with him. Whitney came to the movie expecting a thrilling performance by Jessica Chastain, but instead got my counter-terrorism expert father giving an in-depth and slightly terrifying film analysis. Obviously, a liver issue meant the cancer was in more than 1 organ by the time she knew. In most of these cases the person inflicting the additional trauma is the parent who is flushed with joy at having found someone new and is not open to the fact that his emptiness has been filled while his family is still grieving.It seems they cannot wait to force the person on their family and present ultimatums for non-compliance. This woman is playing him, I feel sure. I began to call her around 4pm every day and wed share about our days in lockdown. Then in August, he went to Cabo with her sisters and family. So she is moving in here where i live, into my mothers space. I lost my mom on March 24, 2008 after her very hard fought battle with colon cancer. Hope all works out for you and that you find some peace. Funny I said to my husband recently that if someone had said to me that for the amount of money I may inherit I could have not gone through 35 years of trauma I would gladly have given up the cash. I think one thing my life has taught me is that emotional maturity is not age dependent. Dont get me wrong. Her daughter came to stay when she was in hospital and then had a falling out with her mother over something. Only told 1 sibling..I found out by mistake totally devastated.she has been hiding it and has now come out once again without telling her children and 4 stepchildren.the total disregard for feelings, honesty and integrity has consumed me and destroyed our relationship = perhaps for good. WebUnfortunately my dad (47M) died in result of the pandemic in the end of 2020. My Mom always hated clutter and Ellen junked up the house. My family and I have done our best to communicate our feelings to him. If you do not take care of yourself, then you cannot help others. She was an exceptional cook, kept a spotless house, and was his best friend. She once said that nurses who were overweight should be fired as it was obvious they could not be doing a good job. Update: My dad officially proposed and she accepted. If my mother keeps giving my late moms clothes for her to wear why doesnt she just say hey I wont wear that I dont want your kids thinking of something else and I might dispect them.