Rachel Crawford: Can you make him quack like a duck every time the phone rings? No Traffic. Harriette Winslow, Carl Otis Winslow, Laura Lee Winslow, Rachel Crawford, Estelle 'Mother' Winslow, Judy Winslow, Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [in the rap video] We are a family, we share all we got and that's easy to see, cuz we are a family! I can assure you that we Urkels are a fine, old family, with a proud name. Urkelbot: [Joe Friday Impression] Just the facts, ma'am. Waldo: Excuse me, but I don't wanna hear about a bug's sex life. I won't be able to take you to the prom. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Willie Makeit? "Take out the trash, Edward." I've been there a 100 times, but this time was different. That one friend who says going to gym will solve everything. Topics Nerd. Steve Urkel: [opens the back door] Surprise. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Get lost, Laura! Laura Lee Winslow: You're lucky, you got into a great fraternity and all it cost you was your best friend. Harriette Winslow: You eat all that ice cream and you can kiss your diet goodbye. Ms. Steuben: Uh, excuse us just a minute. I love my Army. Laura Lee Winslow: [as Laura Wigglesworth, pointing a gun at Johnny] The narration to finish! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well it wasn't funny. I do not like 30 people hanging around my shoulder, saying "Hey Senora, can you eat a little faster?". Carl Otis Winslow: [Gasps] Why of all the low down Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Calm down, Carl. There is no Steve here. Steve Urkel: Hey, you gotta get up if want to get dow oh [guests scream as Steve falls off the edge of the roof]. Well it's not cool. But our little town only had ONE library, and it was for whites only. Rachel Crawford: Steve, are you sure you're okay? Check it out: Urkelbot: [Dirty Harry Impression] Go ahead, punk! I think I'm gonna have to fire Waldo, Steve. You had an accident. Weasel: Hey loosen up, Eduardo. Eddie: I'm the one who's taking the test. Laura: I do want a guy with something upstairs, but, uh, I also want a well-built staircase. Carl Otis Winslow: Yes, Harriette! Can you give me some money so I can finish my Christmas shopping? Rachel Crawford: Well, Steve, I am your boss. Ha ha! Eddie didn't have to come back here and confess. Rachel Crawford: How 'bout double the usual? Harriette: [still unsympathetic towards Eddie's selfishess] Fair? Steve Urkel: You know, every time you laugh you burn off three and a half calories? [He leaves and minutes later Urkel is playing Danny Boy on his accordion]. He introduced himself and I was immediately struck by deep brown eyes, his engaging sense of humor and how delicately he handled my cantalopes. Steve Urkel: But, I told you. Why, you might as well drop a boulder on my foot, shove bamboo shoots under my fingernails, or scoop my eyeballs out with a melon baler. "Tomorrow, Dad!" Every time I'm around them, my mind goes blank. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. Steve Urkel: How tough am I? She lived a long and full life. No. Addeddate 2019-09-04 04:56:23 Identifier steveurkel_201909 Scanner Internet Archive HTML5 Uploader 1.6.4. plus-circle Add Review. The next minute rump roast! Carl: Uh, just bring us burgers and fries. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: It's a tradition in the Urkel family to not consummate the marriage for three months. Rachel Crawford: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Laura Lee Winslow: No, it's the whole school! Laura Lee Winslow: [Laura grabs Steve and his clone on their ears] Okay, let's take a moment and figure out what we learned here. [laughs] But you never smile! [Greg leaves as Willie walks in with Waldo and the crowd boos him. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh really, why wasn't I told? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Yeah, I went to sleep and Stevil made a guest appearance. When I said my feelings for you might change, I was lying. Played by Jaleel White, Urkel joined "Family Matters" at the end of its first season, which one of his castmates says was a production decision that changed everything. Steve Urkel: Your Honor, I would like to call Waldo Faldo! Ms. Steuben: But here you are. All the pins look like Laura! THIS? Ms. Steuben: No, I'm a nervous teacher! Just blacked out for a second there! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Stephan] Laura Winslow, you are the sun, the rain, and the wind that flowers my soul. We are properly trained. Can you help me out? Laura Lee Winslow: No! Cassie Lynn: That may be what happened, but that won't be what the people believe. [puts his thumb as his mouth, baby voice] If I were five. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You mean, you want to kiss me? Edward, sure I got a moment. At a party, once, he clamped cables to his earlobes and jump-started a Volkswagen. this is when Urkel was the funniest, when he was youngest, seasons 1 & 2. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: When you're hurting other people it ain't harmless. Steve Urkel: [Hanging on a ledge] I've fallen and I can't get up! Steve Urkel: I have a spectacular evening planned! Steve Urkel: Laura, this is a a really special moment and well, I think we should celebrate it by getting married. Carl Otis Winslow: Better, I locked him up. And the reason it hurts is because I've tried very hard to be your friend and all you've done is take advantage of me. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Don't you worry, I'll work on him. Harriette Winslow: She says OGD's a great kid, but he hasn't had it easy in his life. He's never used his! Join. Willie Fuffner: Because, he humiliated me! Laura: Where did you get the money for this? Let's call it recycling. Does that about cover it? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to a sorority girl] That dress is so tight! Carl Otis Winslow: I recognized him right away. Lt. Murtaugh: I dropped the, uh, nerd off next door at the, uh, nerd house. I can't! It seems the guy that you purchased your stereo equipment from didn't want you to fill in any paper work. Rachel Crawford: I'm what? That's why here I have compiled the sexiest and smart pick up lines to use on guys to make them interested in you! Actor Jaleel White, famous for his cultural touchstone role as Steve Urkel in Family Matters, is entering the cannabis industry.Through a partnership with 710 Labs, White's new cannabis line . [Handing out] Menu, menu, menu, menu, menu. Ms. Steuben: That's that's not funny, Steven. [Eddie leaves and Carl puts the chair away] Well that took care of everything. Harriette Winslow: And you meant every word 8 years ago. next semester, are ya? Well let me tell you something sir, if that's the kind of boss you are. Would you rather be buried or cremated? Harriette: [Reading] Swiss Family Robinson! Harriette Winslow: Carl I am not a weak, wimpy woman whose afraida to speak her mind. Reading, 'Riting and Racism? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Steve as Stefan] Steve? Laura: Steve, I know it's a lot to ask, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd tutor Todd. Rachel Crawford: Yeah do you want to be buried or cremated? Right now we're going to have a wedding, but directly after that we're going to have a funeral. Quotes.net. Wow, are you wearing a bra? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Yeah, you have to use bleach. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [to Carl] I know you're stubborn as a mule but you don't have to act like a jackass! Waldo: We rented us a limo station wagon. He's usually knee deep in dead mosquitoes. Get down from there! Eddie: If I don't pull at least a C on my midterm exam, I'm gonna flunk Algebra. I can't breathe! Stefan and Myra of left stunned]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Waldo come to the Witness Stand. Carl Otis Winslow: Steve, Everything was Going Just fine, until You Blabbed that I was a cop. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What kind of plans? Harriette you're the one who said you're fat. You know, I was exposed to this sort of thing when I was growing up, but I always hoped it would be different for my kids. When are you going to the store? Harriette Winslow: You can't blame them for walking, Eddie. It meant a lot to me. "Pass the salt, Edward." This semester we're Steven, you'd better get going. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: You paid him off. Carl Otis Winslow: [Takes the money from Eddie] I love you son. Steve Urkel: Oh, Laura, my love. Now, I'm gonna give you a compliment. There's room for you and there's room for me although let's be quite honest, you take up a lot more room than me. I'm sorry, call you next week? Steve Urkel: All right, Laura, we'll randeavou at the Isetta. Carl: Rachel, Carl was my great grandfather's name and there is no way that I'm gonna change it. It's to another restaurant. So one day I decided to do something about it. Daniel Wallace: Hey, man. Eddie: Dad you embarrassed me in front of my friends. ", Harriette Winslow: She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and she said "Why, Mom?". Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I call Waldo Faldo up. I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face. Carl Otis Winslow: [trying to scoop the ashes back into the urn] Lord, forgive me if I come up a foot short! Laura: Dad, you're exacerbating the situation instead of ameliorating it. I just wish it would all go away, Daddy. That's Lt. Murtaugh. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: All right. You think she'll really kiss Steve? Laura: I mean it, Waldo. Steve Urkel: [Steve is suing Carl on the TV show Citizen's Court and Waldo has been called as a witness] Waldo, how did you feel about Pablo? I promised grandma I'd help her get ready. Now, what you do on your own time is your business. [after Carl comes out of the busted transformation chamber in an Urkel like fashion, due to Myra's tampering]. Steve Urkel: [points to Eddie] His words, not mine. Carl Otis Winslow: Laura, what's going on in here? I'm wearing a Bart Simpson's mug. Harriette: Yep, they were yelling at each other and bumping bellies. You're grounded for two weeks and you are to stay away from my car until it learns self-defense. [Urkel is playing Danny Boy on his Swiss Melody Chimes and Carl is furiously awaken by it. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [under laughing gas, laughing] I just realized, your name is Doctor Smiley. You can do it! Where did you get the money for this? A few minutes ago, I just saw Laura and I fanted. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: How could you mess this up? 1. Steve Urkel: I know! Steve Urkel: Why, sure! Laura: Every time we order another course, you bring your chair closer. Waldo: Just the stuff Steve told me to say. Laura Lee Winslow: Grandma, you're not old. Carl Otis Winslow: Yes and that's not all. When's it going to end? Steven Quincy Urkel: Look, you've got this big bed. They misspelled three words. Judy Winslow: Um so Grandma are you gonna be a June bride? Your baby shoes, your grandmother's denchers, fish jam; and I didn't get a thing for you. [music abruptly stops] Look at yourselves. This poker game is important to you and I messed it up by inviting this windbag. It's a cool chamber. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: I couldn't even go in. I'm going home! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Listen, Melissa may not be a cover girl. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What's your aunt's name, who'd want to kill her, and who do you like in the World Series? With Squeeze I'm not safe nowhere. So, I figured if I doubled the temperature, I could cook it in half the time. Ouchith! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Rachel Crawfish? We were just having a little fun. It better be a dead relative in your excuse. Newsflash, Eddie! Due to the Urkel character's off-putting characteristics and the way he would stir up events and underscore the plot or even move . You can stay. Steve is the perfect son. [Goes to feel his head]. You've got twenty-four hours to drop out of the race or we publish the picture. No more chimes. Let eserviate on the bright side. The valet gave me a tip. The rest of the rules are covered in this contract. Steve looks at Laura], [At The Winslow home in the alternate world]. And we practiced for six minutes! [laughs]. [smiles]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'm not dreaming anymore. Carl: Rachel, you're putting entirely too much filling in those. 1. He's having the same discussion with his father. Waldo: I can't talk to girls. Carl: This baby has a remote. Weasel: Yeah chill. Harriette Winslow: [retrieves a coupon from her purse] Ohhh no no no, Carl! Laura: I was thinking about taking a home economics class so I can learn how to cook. Steve Urkel: Waldo, how could you do this to me? That's not enough time for Rambo to blow anything up. It was the most terrifying five minutes of my life, second only to watching Lord of the Dance! Steve Urkel: Why, to make everyone think that the woman I love actually loves me back? Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [laughing] Good one, Myrtle! And you got LOUDER every time you made the Maitre D move us to another table. A small gastronomic goof up. [removes Carl's napkin from his shirt and tosses it on the coffee table]. Harriette Winslow: [Takes an envelope from Carl] 'Lose Weight, Feel Great at Chicago's Premiere Health Spa, Hip Whippers'. I'm being rejected in my own fantasy. He's fanning his hace with a plate as Eddie walks in]. And sometimes I was sorry I ever started the whole thing, but I didn't quit. Whoo! He finished his Christmas shopping weeks ago and never asked me for a penny. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: That's big talk coming from a guy in Italy. Carl Otis Winslow: Yeah, bring me a slice. Steve is clumsy and obsessive yet charismatic and likable. Hey, you could be making this whole thing up! Laura: Ma, the package said to cook it at 275 for 20 minutes. Carl Otis Winslow: Calm down, Harriette, you're overreacting. Rachel Crawford: Thanks Steve. Steve Urkel: I just called my uncle at the Pentagon. Pick-up lines get a bad rap for being cheesy and cringe-worthy, but if you start your conversation with the right dose of interest and humor, you may end up scoring a date or a number. Eddie: I meant, I haven't seen her today. The notion was apparently incongruous enough to ABC, the longtime home of the hit comedy ''Family Matters,'' which features the geeky Urkel character, that its executives . Chocum hi chip chok!". Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Dad, when are we leaving? Lt. Murtaugh: They're sending in that Urkel kid. Oh, yes it is! Steve Urkel: Well, it starts out with a little cough. You're so beautiful, you take their breath away. [Laura has stuffed her bra with Eddie's socks], Steve Urkel: [entering] Hi gang! Harriette Winslow: You have to understand, back in Detroit where he's from, the police are considered the enemy, so he doesn't trust them. Steve Urkel: What? [goes to the refrigerator] No root beer? Carl Otis Winslow: Thanks for the present son. Laura: Science class. Carl: I can't tell him I don't remember him! Clean up your room Edward. Carl Otis Winslow: You know you were rude to that guy, Harriette. Dr. Goodrich: Ms. Crawford, I am a medical doctor, not a carnival act! Curtis Williams: I'm Curtis Williams. He's a very large man who should be here any minute now. Carl Otis Winslow: But, apparently you seem want to learn it the hard way, well so be it. Eddie: I guess this means you're gonna ground us, huh? Laura: There's an Urkel in our defense department? Let's trot on over there and see what develops. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: I'll bet that's what the bug was thinking, too! Laura Lee Winslow: O.k. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Why? I have feelings. [Notices no one is there anymore] Well, I thought it was a good story. I'll teach you. Steve Urkel: Oh, I am so glad you said that! Steve Urkel: I don't have to take this! Harriette Winslow: Oh no no no. Steve Urkel: Why? [to self] WOW! From now on, no parties and no TV. This is my grandmother's wedding and $1500. Harriette Winslow: I simply put out his cigar. Carl, someone parked their own piece of junk in our driveway. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No, I *am* a serious little nerd. [Laura walks in the door dressed up in a stereotypical nerd fashion. [Comes out and fights Willie as the students cheer for a fight between Urkel and Fuffner], [Waldo and Wille has just gotten out of class to trash Urkel's locker]. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Can it be a 976 number? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What the heck is wrong with you? Carl: Are you implying that you're not having a good time? Steve Urkel: Calm down? And, I just wanted to wish you good luck. Harriette Winslow: But, apparently, you seem to want to learn these things the hard way, so be it. Waldo Geraldo Faldo, Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Cheating? [does Steve's laugh and snort]. Curtis: I know you're disappointed. Harriette Winslow: [gives him a tray of drinks] Here, take these with you. But, if I'm not, the last two words you'll ever say will be, "A Choo.". Laura: Remember when you tried to teach me how to sew? You think it's funny to spike somebody's punch and watch them act like a fool. Robber: [threatens Steve] You! And him. Steve Urkel: Yeah, and then if you sneeze why, your entire head explodes like a cherry bomb in a cantaloupe. I probably had the heater up on high and they wilted. Steven Quincy Urkel: [Grabs a blanket and a pillow and heads to the bathroom only to rush back out seconds later] No! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: It was Jan Matzeliger, in 1883. Judy Winslow: Boring. Someday, I'll thank myself for this. Carl Otis Winslow: Oh gee that'd scare me. Carl Otis Winslow: I know. Stefan Urkelle: Not I know that's not Carl. Steve Urkel: I'll settle for a toenail clipping! Carl Otis Winslow: Ohohoho and they are personal and private. Steve Urkel: Mmm, steak. No. No. Originally slated to have been a one-time only character on the show, he soon became its most popular character and gradually became its protagonist.. Steve is the epitome of a geek/nerd, with large, thick eyeglasses, flood . It helps to determine how much help you need. Curtis Williams: Laura, great timing. Laura: Steve Urkel, you are the most annoying human being that I have ever met! Myrtle Urkel: Oh, how true, how true! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Who would've thought Harriette was a bit friendly. And believe you me, I know what being different is all about. Laura Lee Winslow: [Yelling at Judy who's trying to shove her plate in front of Eddie dishing food] Can you wait? It's a beautiful language. Carl: AAAAAAHHHHHHH! Carl Otis Winslow: That a girl, Harriette. Steve Urkel: Swell, Punch! You know, Harriette, It's the thought that counts. the signs as potential pick up lines from hamilton. Harriette: Soon, baby. I'll just begin a rigorist-training schedule. Harriette Winslow: Why? Steve Urkel: You yelled at me and you called me a butthead! Harriette Winslow: Now let me get this straight. When I look in your eyes, I see a very kind soul. Steve Urkel: I can't believe this! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Myra, your mother told me you came here, so I assumed you're becoming a nun. Myrtle Urkel: Frankly my dear, I just don't give a damn. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Steve Urkel: Well, Laura doesn't want a date with me. Would you reward me with a kiss? For that matter why isn't everybody? [Harriette laughs as Laura leaves the living room to help Mother Winslow get ready]. Having run for nine seasons, Family Matters became the second longest-running non-animated U.S. sitcom with a predominantly African American cast, behind only The Jeffersons (11). He's so sad he could depress Richard Simmons. Included in the potential "Did I Do That?" Carl Otis Winslow: You know son, if Screwing Up ever became an Olympic event. Harriette: I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a home economics class. Harriette Winslow: And I always mark the year, you gave it to me. Get up and get your own pie! Why that low-down-cheap-bunder-headed-mud-slinging-bush-wacking-slanderous-snake-in-a-skirt is blackmailing you! All the doo da day. You had two whole days to forget where it was. Urkel pronouns are the best. The '90s series "Family Matters" may have been about the Chicago-based Winslow family, but the show's breakout character was actually Winslow neighbor Steve Urkel. Carl Otis Winslow: Like that. Cassie Lynn: Try me. The hot chocolate will be ready soon. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. How about the next round we switch colors? 4 Mar. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh, no thanks, I went before I left. [Eddie comes crashing through the living room in the car], [Stefan did not take his "cool boost" for that week - he wants to turn back into Steve].